tag:motivationalmentor.com,2005:/blogs/joseph-s-blogJoseph's Blog2022-10-06T17:51:33-07:00Joseph Feusi Mentoringfalsetag:motivationalmentor.com,2005:Post/70762242022-10-06T17:51:33-07:002023-10-16T07:51:09-07:00On Being Dyslexic<p><span class="font_large"><strong><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/242727/82e2e1f9ab52900c0feaa48e2b37cad42f990b9e/original/a9926b7b-4eb1-4a04-bd2c-f46ca87f8862-1-201-a.jpeg/!!/meta:eyJzcmNCdWNrZXQiOiJiemdsZmlsZXMifQ==/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsImxhcmdlIl1d.jpeg" class="size_l justify_center border_none" alt="" /></strong></span></p>
<p><span class="font_large"><strong>On Being Dyslexic </strong></span></p>
<p>I<span class="font_large"> offer a one hour free information session for my dyslexic clients. Most dyslexics are taught to focus on their liabilities as a result of dyslexia. And of course in school that’s what you are tested for. The reality of the set of circumstances is that dyslexics have a whole bunch of assets that are beyond the scope of what is taught in school. Most of these assets operate in the realm of what would be best described as intuitional arts. Most dyslexics have the gift of just knowing things though they cannot explain how they come to know them. In most educational environments the student is subjected to the belief system that holds that knowledge comes from the outside in. This system isn’t capable of recognizing, understanding or supporting the kind of knowledge that comes from the inside out, which is the strength of a dyslexic. As a result of not being seen and understood in the conventional education system, most dyslexic people are unaware of the profound and valuable assets that they have as a dyslexic person that the general population does not possess. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">When I determine that someone has dyslexia it’s not based upon your reading, spelling, writing or any of the other classical arts that are perceived by the educational system. I base your dyslexia on imagination, intuition, problem-solving and the ability to take concrete knowledge and abstract ideas and put them together to create something that is a modification on existing thoughts, ideas and things. Or the ability to create something completely out of the ordinary and sometimes even in the realm of the extraordinary. Because most dyslexic people have been taught to have such a negative view of their dyslexia and themselves, they are completely clueless about the benefits of dyslexia. They may even believe that there are no benefits. It’s also hard to justify and explain these benefits to people who simply don’t have them or understand. In a lot of ways it’s like trying to explain to people who are colorblind what colors are. Dyslexia exists in this world for reason. Dyslexic people are the original big thinkers! If somebody is thinking way outside the box, they are probably dyslexic and they’ve learned how to present and defend their ideas in the world based upon their gifts. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">So give me a call or email and we’ll set up your info session on being dyslexic! </span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Talk to you soon! </span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Joseph </span></p>
<p><span class="font_large"><strong>How to contact Joseph: </strong><br>Give me a call at: 907-562-7353 <br>Or fill out the intake form at: <a contents="https://motivationalmentor.com/contact" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://motivationalmentor.com/contact" target="_blank">https://motivationalmentor.com/contact</a> <br>Learn more about dyslexia at: <a contents="https://dyslexicselfesteem.com" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://dyslexicselfesteem.com" target="_blank">https://dyslexicselfesteem.com</a></span></p>Joseph Feusi Mentoringtag:motivationalmentor.com,2005:Post/62090132020-02-08T15:48:47-08:002022-05-16T10:00:37-07:00Mentoring for Dyslexic Adults and Youth<h2><span class="font_small"><span style="color:null;"><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/242727/cb9eb3fc17ef600546169712f3a0bb32e2eaf2a2/original/20191007-155906.jpg/!!/undefined/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsIm1lZGl1bSJdXQ==.jpg" class="size_m justify_left border_" /></span><strong><span style="color:null;">By Joseph Feusi</span><br><a contents="motivationalmentor.com" data-link-label="Mentoring for Dyslexic Adults and Youth" data-link-type="page" href="/mentoring-for-dyslexic-adults-and-youth" target="_blank"><span style="color:#ff0000;"><span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 0, 153);">motivationalmentor</span>.com</span></a><span style="color:#ff0000;"> </span></strong></span></h2>
<p><span class="font_large">I have a specialty mentoring fellow dyslexics, both adults and youth. I understand from the inside out what the gifts and challenges of dyslexia mean. Having a successful dyslexic as a Mentor can exponentially help you achieve your goals and dreams in ways that you may not yet have been able to imagine! </span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">A lot of emphasis is placed on the importance of dyslexics receiving a good education in a conventional or specialty educational system. I understand the importance of dyslexics receiving a good education. However, what is commonly missed is the importance of dyslexics being supported in their unique gifts in order to have high self esteem. </span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color:#330099;"><span class="font_large"><strong>I view having high self esteem as the most important factor in the success of a dyslexic individual. </strong> </span></span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I have seen a lot of dyslexics with very limited education become very successful in both their personal and professional lives because they have high self esteem and a profound sense of self that is on par with the unique gifts that dyslexics are born with. On the other hand, I have seen dyslexics who have managed to survive the educational system and are well educated, but they enter life with a very low sense of self esteem and in some cases trauma from going through the conventional education system. </span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color:#330099;"><strong><span class="font_large">My belief is that dyslexics who believe in themselves are unstoppable. </span></strong></span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">They will draw to them the unique resources and education that they need to accomplish whatever they want to dream into being if they believe in themselves. </span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color:#330099;"><strong><span class="font_large">So, in supporting dyslexics, I would best be described as The Self Esteem Mentor to launch young dyslexics into the world, and to help mature dyslexics realize that they have a wellspring of gifts. </span></strong></span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color:#330099;"><strong><span class="font_large">Self esteem and a high sense of self worth are the chief causal agents that enable a dyslexic person to inhabit and express their gifts and to succeed in life. </span></strong></span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I am here to help you know you are amazing! </span></p>
<p><span class="font_xl"><strong>Learn More About Dyslexia at THESE LINKS: </strong></span><br><span class="font_large">Below are links to pages with a lot of information that will help you understand your amazing gifts. The world needs you! </span></p>
<p><strong><span class="font_xl"><a contents="Facts, Myths and The Hell of School" data-link-label="Facts, Myths and The Hell of School" data-link-type="page" href="/facts-myths-and-the-hell-of-school" target="_blank"><span style="color:#ff0000;">Facts, Myths and The Hell of School</span></a><span style="color:#ff0000;"> </span><br><a contents="Famous Dyslexics" data-link-label="Famous Dyslexics" data-link-type="page" href="/famous-dyslexics" target="_blank"><span style="color:#ff0000;">Famous Dyslexics</span></a><span style="color:#ff0000;"> </span><br><a contents="How The Dyslexic Brain Works" data-link-label="How The Dyslexic Brain Works" data-link-type="page" href="/how-the-dyslexic-brain-works" target="_blank"><span style="color:#ff0000;">How The Dyslexic Brain Works</span></a><span style="color:#ff0000;"> </span><br><a contents="Dyslexic Strengths Explained" data-link-label="Dyslexic Strengths Explained" data-link-type="page" href="/dyslexic-strengths-explained" target="_blank"><span style="color:#ff0000;">Dyslexic Strengths Explained</span></a><span style="color:#ff0000;"> </span></span></strong></p>
<p><strong><span class="font_xl">Read the story of my journey as a Dyslexic </span></strong></p>
<p><span class="font_xl"><strong><a contents="Joseph's Story:&nbsp;My Story as a&nbsp;Dyslexic" data-link-label="Joseph's Story" data-link-type="page" href="/joseph-s-story" target="_blank"><span style="color:#ff0000;">Joseph's Story: My Story as a Dyslexic</span></a><span style="color:#ff0000;"> </span></strong></span></p>
<p> </p>Joseph Feusi Mentoringtag:motivationalmentor.com,2005:Post/46175542017-03-05T14:47:22-08:002020-02-08T15:53:53-08:00Our Sacred Mother<p><span class="font_xl"><span style="color:#330099;"><strong><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/242727/0956eb71f617fd4792c3e4b45cbf5ea6f7d0f4f2/large/img-5167.jpg?1488752709" class="size_l justify_left border_none" alt="" /></strong></span></span><strong><span class="font_large"><em>Guest Appearance Speaking by Joseph Feusi on Mother's Day 1997. Transcribed from a recording.</em> </span></strong></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I wrote this long ago, but I occasionally still give this to my clients to read. <span style="color:#330099;"><strong>It’s important to realize that we have more gifts than we generally let ourselves acknowledge. One of the privileges of being a Mentor is that when I work with clients, inevitably they come to realize a larger self, a different perspective that allows for much more opportunity, prosperity and happiness. </strong></span>Please read this with an open mind—that maybe you, too, are gifted with all kinds of presents from birth that you have yet to open and realize. It’s been my experience that most people are much grander than they are aware of! </span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">When I think of Mother's Day I think of both Mothers. The one that brought us into the world and we are here today to honor and celebrate her. And also the Sacred Mother that resides in all of us. Today, I would like to talk about the Sacred Mother. She goes by many names; too numerous to mention. First of all, who is our Sacred Mother?<span style="color:#330099;"><strong> To me, the Sacred Mother is the rememberer of the sacred self and the path on which the sacred self walks. She is the keeper of our soul's design and rememberer of the schematic or blueprint of our destiny. She is there when we take our first breath, and she is there with us when we take our last breath. She keeps us in her heart even if for some reason we cannot keep her in ours. She understands. Understanding is her business. She prays for us even when we forget to pray for her. She is always happy to see us, no matter what face we bring her: smiling, laughing, crying, lonely, sad or angry. It does not matter to her. She is always happy to see us. When there is no one else to play with us, she will always be happy to play with us and delights in being called by other names and cast as other characters.</strong></span> When we are young she is even allowed to sit at the dinner table with us as long as it is understood by our parents that she is only imaginary; and then it is safe for them to talk to her, too. When the connection to her is strong in our parents, they are guided by her in supporting the unfolding of our true self. Our parents see brief glimpses of intuition, talent, brilliance and wonder in us and they know that the hidden hand of the Sacred Mother is at work. The Sacred Mother sings sweetly to us in our dreams, and speaks softly to us in our quiet moments. It is she who is heard as the distant drummer that calls us to walk on a path separate from everyone else around us. <br> <br><span style="color:#330099;"><strong>I would now like to talk about the dark task of the Sacred Mother. The task of remembering who you are when for some reason you must forget your true self.</strong></span> As our lives unfold, many things can happen to us. We can be brought into this world for many reasons. Our parents may love us very deeply but no one can know our destiny. It can only be unfolded by the granting of the prayer that we prayed before we were born. So even when our parents have our best interests at heart, they sometimes cannot hear our prayer and misunderstand us and our destiny. They were hoping for a good girl or boy and they were not prepared for a child of infinite creativity, as our grandparents may not have been prepared for our parents' infinite creativity. They were hoping for someone to help with the farm and did not know how to feed the heart of the astronomer who would sneak out late at night to gaze at the stars. Our being here may not have involved love. We may have been brought here because our parent or parents were afraid to be alone. Or they themselves did not feel loved as a child and thought we would provide acceptance and love to them that they had missed in their childhood. Sometimes our parents' loss of the Sacred Mother was so painful that they could not bear to see us connected to her. So we took care of them by sending our Sacred Mother away. So in order to survive the circumstances to which we were brought into this world, we had to break the umbilical cord prematurely to our Sacred Mother and in doing so forget that she exists and then disown the destiny that she remembers for us. This separation may be short-lived or last the whole of our lifetime.<span style="color:#330099;"><strong> The separation from her is very painful and we do not do it willingly. The Sacred Mother remembers for us who we really are. She knows that we are not the opinions or the actions that others have or hold against us silently or violently. She is there to help us remember that other people's mistakes in dealing with us do not make us a mistake and that no matter how badly we are treated there is a part of us that is never touched by the negative thoughts and actions of others. </strong></span><br> <br><span style="color:#330099;"><strong>We are not a mistake but a child of the infinite creativity. She waits for a time when it is safe for us to remember her and that which she keeps safely for us. Then she starts to make herself known.</strong></span> In our dreams we become restless. In our lives we become uncomfortable, sad, depressed or angry. We start to lose the will to live out the lies that we had to live by as a child and perpetuate as an adult. As the connection to the Sacred Mother becomes stronger, she guides us to deconstruct the inappropriate life and path that we are following. This may happen one brick at a time or a flash of light like a bolt of lightning. She will recruit friends, teachers, mentors, counselors, self-help classes, yoga instructors and even lovers to the task of awakening our true self. Once you seek her out she does not waste time. Because if you had to forget who you truly are even for one second, it is too long. The Sacred Mother is also very patient. She will wait the whole of your lifetime if that is necessary. She understands that you cannot force high self-esteem onto anyone, even if it would give them a happier life. You can only keep faith in them that someday they will choose to have faith in themselves and ask her for help. <br> <br>Sometimes the Sacred Mother reappears to us in our later years and this reappearance for men and women is called mid-life crisis. She is no crisis. She is your guardian angel, higher self, and your unlimited potential, all rolled into one. <span style="color:#330099;"><strong>As she helps you to disassemble your inappropriate life, she leaves behind a wake of separation, disillusionment, divorce, alimony, child custody hearings, restraining orders, leave of absences, notice of resignations, house for sale signs, geographical location changes, and transitions of every conceivable kind. She looks for the hiding place of your hidden dreams. The time capsule that houses the forgotten tennis racquet, downhill skis, tap dancing shoes, martial arts uniform, black evening dress, art supplies, musical instruments, incomplete manuscripts, telescopes and all the other things that you have wished for or even bought, but could not give yourself permission to use and demonstrate your talents with. She also guides us to restore happiness, fun, joy, compassion, self-love, intuition, spontaneity, wonder, brilliance, understanding and serenity. </strong></span>All these things and more, she will help you to restore and use as the cornerstone of the new foundation that you will lay to build the house that will house your true self, your true power and the fulfillment of your dreams. All these things the Sacred Mother is waiting and ready to do for you now. <br> <br>Many people ask me about the Sacred Father and what role he plays in our life. I do not talk about the Sacred Father to them until they have finished their work with the Sacred Mother. I explain that the Sacred Father teaches us how to defend the sacredness of self in us and in others. But if we do not believe that we have a self, and learn how to protect the self without restoring it in us first, we become the sacred self's worst enemy. How can you protect virtue if you are under the illusion that you are not virtuous? How can you defend self-connectedness if you yourself do not believe you are connected? You will start out with good intentions, only to become a slayer of that which you would defend. For a defense that is held by a hand that is not connected to a heart and soul can only separate others from their hearts and souls. So, the Sacred Father inside you halts you as you approach him to see if you have finished your work with the Sacred Mother. If you have not, and persist in pursuing him, he will chase you away, sending you back to her. He does not do this out of a lack of love, but of concern. Because he would teach you how to walk through fire and soar like an Angel, casting off everything that you believe limits you. But if in the heart of your soul you have not learned to love as the Sacred Mother teaches, the limits that your beliefs would set upon you would burn you in a flaming baptism or leave you lying on the ground like a bird with two broken wings.<span style="color:#330099;"><strong> The Sacred Mother teaches you how to have and keep a soul.</strong></span> The Sacred Father teaches us how to be a Wizard. The world is not a safe place when you have Wizards without souls. So you are sent away. If we are afraid of the greatness that the Sacred Mother would bestow upon you, believing that you are undeserving, then you become vagrant children estranged to the Sacred Mother and Father, cast into a world ruled by the laws of scarcity — passively or aggressively competing with each other, oftentimes violent, physically, and emotionally. Because of a belief in limited resources, out of touch with our true self and the true nature of the universe. So busy trying to stay alive that you have forgotten that you once knew how to live and that you still do. <br> <br>In "The Prophet,” Khalil Gibran wrote, "We are all arrows in flight on the path towards the infinite." Khalil Gibran also wrote, "We are a boundless drop to a boundless ocean, we are infinity looking at its own reflection in a mirror. We are infinity and we are the mirror." Marianne Williamson famously wrote, "We ask oneself, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?" This is the question that the Sacred Mother is prepared to help you answer. <span style="color:#330099;"><strong>Many of us in this room and in the world are seeking out our Sacred Mother and reconnecting with her. </strong></span>And as she holds us to her breast and she nourishes us back to the person we were born to be, it is my belief that the Sacred Mother has been waiting for us as a race of beings for many thousands of years. So in celebration of the Sacred Mother in you: Happy Mother's Day! </span></p>Joseph Feusi Mentoringtag:motivationalmentor.com,2005:Post/46175512017-03-05T14:37:03-08:002022-04-26T07:32:30-07:00Pulling the Rabbit Out of the Hat—Living Your Magic in the Real World<p><span style="color:#330099;"><strong><span class="font_xl"><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/242727/b6c0ad169ee4a3a360a663c67872e0a4873799c6/medium/img-5559.jpg?1488753783" class="size_m justify_left border_none" alt="" /></span></strong></span><span class="font_large"><strong>By Joseph Feusi</strong></span><br><span class="font_large"> <br><span style="color:#330099;"><em><strong>“If you tell someone that they have no future and they believe you, then there is no point for them to go looking for a future because they believe they don’t have one.” –Joseph Feusi <br> <br>"There are some people who have pulled pretty big rabbits out of their 'You’re not ever going to be able to do that' hat." –Joseph Feusi </strong></em></span><br> <br>I’m often asked, “What is the worst thing you can say to a child or anyone from the mentoring standpoint?” There are many things, but there is one statement in particular that has powerful ramifications. This is to tell a child, or for that matter an adult as well, <span style="color:#330099;"><strong><em>that they have no future.</em></strong></span> If they internalize this as a belief, after hearing it enough, taking it to heart and really believing it, it will manifest destructively in two ways. The first is a need to prove that this belief about them is not true. So instead of doing an investigation and figuring out what is best for them to do as a person here on the planet, they may grab something that is totally inappropriate to them as a human being and attempt it, thereby proving that they are capable of doing <span style="color:#330099;"><strong><em>something.</em></strong></span> This becomes problematic both if they succeed or if they fail. If they fail at doing something that they shouldn’t be doing because it doesn’t represent them as a human being it reinforces the belief that they have no future. If they succeed, then they may be stuck repeating this activity for the rest of their lives. This then does not give them the opportunity to really ask the question, “Is this something that I want to do?” The second way the limited belief can manifest is that they may become so disempowered that they don’t try anything. Life becomes a form of surrender, and they’re just along for the ride. As Kahlil Gibran said in The Prophet, you become like a boat with no sail and rudder. So you just bob around wherever the currents take you. Maybe even eventually sinking. <br> <br>Any time you have to prove that you can be something or do something under these sets of circumstances, you are doing it as a reaction to external forces that have judged you and deemed you incapable. Attempting to <em>prove</em> anything that you are already innately capable of doing but lack the realization that you have the capacity of doing is the classic breaking of something that is not broken. If you had been supported in your belief system that you were capable of doing things whether there was empirical data or not to substantiate that is very important because it (your heart’s desire) gives you permission to find out what makes sense for you. And when you find that out, there is nothing to prove. There is just you and the being of you and it! <br> <br>When people get sent off on a wild goose chase running around willy-nilly as though they’re looking for the magic place or thing that will represent them, it undermines asking the fundamental question: “Maybe I already am who I want to be and what I want to do is close at hand.” People for all kinds of reasons, usually for their own personal security or wanting you to join them in sitting in the pity and misery of having an unrequited life that they themselves missed will consciously or unconsciously misdirect you about your life. So here’s the deal. We are all Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz. We are all wearing our own version of the ruby slippers that will take us home. So just repeat, “There’s no place like home”—meaning, your own heart’s desire is within you. When you figure this out, you may be kindly telling a lot of people in regards to who you are and what you’re doing to shut up (or the like). Welcome home! <br> <br>Unlike telling people that they are incapable of doing something in particular, you can take this to the extreme of telling people that they have no future. This telling of having no future can come in many forms. It can even be nonverbal as a father giving a look to his daughter that she can’t sing when she’s clearly singing! The ways to communicate disempowerment of self are myriad. They come in all shapes, sizes and forms, and all of them are poisonous to the point of being abusive to the heart’s desire. Maybe somebody has good intentions because they’re afraid if you go do something that they perceive as not providing some form of security in your life, say for example you want to become a musical performer or actor, their intent may be of good meaning from their perspective but if you miss out on your life because of believing them it’s abuse. Danny Kaye’s father told him to stick with playing the accordion because he could always make a living playing at weddings. It would have been really sad if Danny Kaye had believed his father. The unfortunate reality is that there are a lot of people running around who believe this crap—and believe me it’s crap. This becomes painfully and blatantly obvious when you eventually enter into or find your empowered state. It’s very difficulty to have a concept of being in a self-empowered state when you are in a disempowered state. Once you are in a self-empowered state you have no problem understanding the disempowered state and how you got there. Whether you realize it or not, no matter how disempowered you feel, the majority of us unknowingly are standing on the road to empowerment, the same way Dorothy found herself wearing the magic shoes. You are beyond the magic shoes—<span style="color:#330099;"><strong><em>you are magic itself! </em></strong></span><br> <br>If people have convinced you to mistakenly believe that you have no future then you are not going to go looking for one. You will settle for whatever shows up, and feel lucky that whatever that is, you can at least do it. This in no way, shape, or form is how you find things that represent you as a human being. As above, once again, this is a reactionary dynamic that doesn’t have anything to do with you as a person. When you get into this dynamic it is very easy for you to get trapped doing this for the rest of your life. <br> <br>It is very important for children that they have a sense of achievement and accomplishment. This is not something that should be left up to the educational system that your child is in. It is important that you as a parent give your children things that they can achieve and have a sense of accomplishment about or at. This is how you build character and self esteem. It is important to understand that you protect your children and anyone else for that matter—adult relational partners and friends—from the statement, “You cannot do that.” I find myself in sets of circumstances where I see people who want to attempt to do something and once in a while I question internally whether they can. But very rarely, if ever, do I say to someone that they cannot do something, nor do I even hold onto those thoughts—<span style="color:#330099;"><strong><em>generally I keep my mouth shut</em></strong></span>—because I have seen people pull some very miraculous things out of the “You can’t do that” hat. Now on the other hand, if I tell someone that I believe that they can do it, whatever that “it” is, they usually can! And I tell them that, that they can do it, because there is a responsibility in the telling, and I would expect them to do the same for me. <br> <br><span style="color:#330099;"><strong>A dream is a very fragile thing, and it is important to understand that one of our jobs as a human on this planet is to help each other believe in and foster each other’s dreams, because you yourself are a dream waiting to come into reality. It is important to always ask yourself, “Am I somehow placing limits on myself in regards to the fulfillment of my dreams because of what I have learned from others about who I think I am?” <br> <br>This is an unusual way to look at the situation of self-empowerment and the fulfillment of your dreams. I want you to start thinking in terms of yourself that you are the rabbit and you are the hat. You are both. <em>You will be pulling you out of yourself, the same way you would pull a rabbit out of a hat because You are the Magic!</em></strong></span></span></p>Joseph Feusi Mentoringtag:motivationalmentor.com,2005:Post/46175482017-03-05T14:35:34-08:002022-05-16T10:02:01-07:00Enhancing Communication Skills<p><span style="color:#330099;"><strong><span class="font_xl"><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/242727/2973e58f448c7bf3742a880bcd68803297f94d87/original/img-8583.jpg?1488748646" class="size_l justify_left border_" /></span></strong></span><span style="color:null;"><span class="font_large"><strong>By Joseph Feusi</strong></span></span></p>
<p><span class="font_large"><span style="color:#330099;"><strong>Dear Readers, </strong></span><br>I was writing a letter to a prospective client about teaching people how to communicate better. I thought it would make a good blog to help people better understand communications. So here goes! I hope you get some good stuff out of this! <br> <br><span style="color:#330099;"><strong>Understanding One Another </strong></span><br>I approach communication from some basic modalities about human traits. The first thing I want everyone to get an understanding of when I teach communication is that we all perceive that people communicate the same way that we do. First, I help people to understand that it's very important to place themselves in the other person's shoes whom they are communicating with and how that person may have a different style or modality of communication. When I teach people how to do that, it is a lot easier for them to express, to be heard, to be seen, and to receive another's expression, in short, to communicate. <br> <br><span style="color:#330099;"><strong>Resurrecting Failed Communication </strong></span><br>One of the most important aspects about teaching people how to communicate is how to resurrect communication when it has failed. An example is: You are communicating well with someone and you inadvertently cross some kind of personal, social or cultural boundary, and the other person becomes uncomfortable and potentially jaded towards you, and is no longer interested in creating a situation where there is a meeting of the minds. So what I find is, for most of us, the ability to be able to have extended communication—that is, building a Communication Bridge to another person or group—requires us to have a specialized file folder that is in our brain (eventually it become habitual) to be able to spontaneously communicate in any circumstance. What happens for most people is that they go to the communication folder in their head and there is little or no information there either on how to communicate in the first place or to repair communications gone awry. If the communication that they are involved in has something to do with being seen or heard, and they feel like that is not happening, then this can trigger a fear response as a result of the empty folder. Once fear shows up, all involved in the communication catch it, and that has a tendency to make communication fail. If we have information in that folder that can help us identify specific ways to resurrect a communication situation that is failing, or to build and maintain a stronger bridge in communication that is currently working, then we avoid the issue of having fear arise and stay out of fight or flight or freeze, and continue to operate off of our larger Selves. Below, you will see what I teach to put in your Folder as I outline the Four Communication Modalities that we operate out of as communicators, and how understanding these modalities makes us all better communicators. <br> <br><span style="color:#330099;"><strong>Calling Forth Ideas </strong></span><br>There's another aspect of communication to look at. Sometimes people have really good ideas that they are trying to communicate but they are poor communicators. Their ideas become discounted because of their communication abilities. Then you inevitably have a set of circumstances where necessary resources in the form of ideas have materialized but aren't accepted and therefore aren't implemented because of an interpretation of poor communication being confused with poor ideas. Then down the road it is discovered that somebody actually figured out a resolution to a problem but it was not heeded. It's important that when someone is trying to communicate, that people understand that this circumstance can exist and listen for the content that is being expressed, and not the communication ability of the expresser. It is very important that people in authority (managers, supervisors, CEOs) understand this dilemma because it creates the opportunity to bring forth solutions that are being offered and are available and are being discounted and misunderstood. So an aspect of this would be best described as empowered listening. It is invaluable and crucial for the listener to cross the bridge to the communicator, to really understand what they are trying to communicate, even if they have limited faculty as a communicator so the value of their ideas are seen and they feel that they are valuable contributors. <br> <br>We all have ideas, and all of us at one time or another will have really good ones. It is really sad when a good idea does not get implemented, and it's bad for the company. If you've had a prolonged period where good idea people are perceived as poor communicators, and their ideas are denigrated, it becomes difficult for these individuals to express their ideas, so they don't. So you may actually have someone sitting at a board meeting and they have a great resolution to a problem and are not expressing their ideas. Hence, the solution is right there at the meeting and it's being overlooked. <br> <br>I'm always surprised that considering the importance of what communication is to the human race, that even though we are taught to speak, how very few of us actually understand the dynamic of communicating. One of the things to take into consideration about communication is that it's inextricably linked to negotiation, and that good communicators are also good negotiators. We all know the importance of a really good negotiator. <br> <br><span style="color:#330099;"><strong>Communication Styles </strong></span><br>To give you a basic idea, communication styles fall into Four Communication Modalities. These four modalities represent categories that we as humans communicate from. The first one is that we have Visual Communicators who see everything in pictures. Visual Communicators see the big picture really fast—they literally see it. The advantage of this is that they get around the "what's going on" curve pretty quickly to see the heart of the matter and the complete project. We have Digital Communicators who are similar to visual, but communicate in intellectual models—they can manipulate a holographic, three-dimensional model of the world inside their mind at incredible speed. In essence what they can do is they can test out a theory on the validity of something without ever having to have it manifest in physical form. In short, they can run internal tests to see where the problems are so that they are avoided and save a lot of time and effort. We have people who are Kinesthetic, who communicate in feelings. These people have a sense of things that they can't build or defend an "intellectual" case to justify, even though their assessments are highly accurate. This is the intuitional realm. And then we have people who would be described as Tonals, who are very good at the collection and the organization of detail that is mostly auditory. They are like a human tape recorder and the information they glean from listening is really accurate and their evaluations are thorough and helpful if you seek them out. These people are going to ferret out any problems with authenticity or dishonesty really fast. They are like human lie detectors. Some people can contain more than one modality, and some people have all of them. The people who have all of them are usually excellent communicators. <br> <br><span style="color:#330099;"><strong>Team Negotiation </strong></span><br>Interestingly enough, as life would have it, all four of these modalities have a very difficult time communicating with each other until they have an understanding of how the other modalities work, and begin to value the gifts of the other modalities. This is especially important for a team to understand that is in negotiation with another team. For example, if you are negotiating with an oppositional team and that team is able to break your team up into its separate modalities, the separate modalities of your team will actually start in-house fighting (i.e., fighting amongst yourselves, and then you'll get distracted and lose the negotiation). However, if you are working as a cohesive unit and you know that each modality is valuable, you can allow for expression of each modality in turn. For instance, Visuals and Digitals get to the center of the issue really quickly, but a problem can arise when the oppositional team changes the argument into an emotional issue. The Visuals and Digitals get hopelessly lost, frustrated and scared—they are out of their element. Then it's really great when their trusted fellow Kinesthetic and Tonal team members come to the rescue and save the negotiation. The inverse of this is completely true too. Where the negotiation started out as emotional and suddenly became visual or digital (theoretical), then your team has a balanced and unified front and remains calm and collected when their Visual and Digital compatriots come up to bat. When a negotiation team has this kind of working relationship where they can support each other and know that any shortcomings one person has can be supplemented by another's strengths, then this opens up the team's ability to have an exceptionally strong right brain connection with one another that gives them an optimum ability to negotiate. In short, all fear is removed from their side of the equation. They are completely relaxed and enthusiastic. <br> <br><span style="color:#330099;"><strong>Management </strong></span><br>Another aspect of the business world is management. You may have a manager who is a Visual, and this can create a lot of problems if he or she is talking to someone who is Tonal. Tonals have a tendency to be distracted by visual information and have a tendency to look away so that they can focus on what they are hearing. A Visual perceives that the second that you are not looking at them while they are talking that you are not listening to them. Their response can be to get very agitated at the Tonal, perceiving inaccurately that the Tonal is not listening because they are not looking. The Tonal can begin to get upset if the Visual amps up their words or tone. It's not uncommon in this set of circumstances for a Visual to actually yell at a Tonal, "Look at me while I'm talking to you!" If the Tonal looks, they can't remember their part of what they're trying to communicate because they're in flight or freeze. Teaching people to at a minimum understand, value and recognize the four basic modalities greatly enhances communication. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_large"><span style="color:#330099;"><strong>Boardroom </strong></span><br>Boardrooms in particular are very susceptible to getting trapped in one modality, which leads to immense calamity. I have actually witnessed entire board rooms that are completely trapped and camped out in only one modality. Let's give an example: We have an entire group of people who are Visuals and they are all communicating very well amongst themselves. So then lots and lots of their internal negotiations go really well, until a situation arises where an emotional valuation of a crucial circumstance is necessary, and there is no Kinesthetic board member to offer information or feedback. The Visuals make a decision that they think is right and it turns out to be completely wrong because, ironically enough, without the kinesthetic information, they couldn't accurately see (feel) the whole picture. Convinced that they are totally right, they keep going down the wrong path until they reach a point of no return (the company goes broke). They were successful up to the point that they needed information from another modality (beyond their immediate sphere of influence). This is why it's very important to try to have a board of decision makers be comprised of a balance of the four modalities and for them to have respect for one another's gifts. It's also equally important to enhance these four abilities in ourselves as individuals no matter what our modality is to become better communicators in the workplace and in our relationships. <br> <br>Here's a real life, true story of what can happen when a board is imbalanced: There was a successful high end clothing business in New York that was sold to a corporation whose board of executives were all Visual and Digital. The new fashion design was presented to them and everyone agreed that the fashions were exquisite in their beauty from a visual aspect. However, unfortunately, the fabric was being purchased from one manufacturer and nobody in the Visual-Digital boardroom asked how the garments actually felt on your skin, or what the experience of wearing them was when made out of this cloth. Even though the fashion line was well received on the runway, it failed because the cloth didn't feel good on your skin and consumers wouldn't buy it. No one from the boardroom bothered to ask, "What does this piece of clothing feel like?" Unfortunately they got the answer to that question after the company went broke. Hence the importance of a four-modality balanced boardroom! A Kinesthetic member on the board would have been feeling the cloth immediately and saying, "Nobody in their right mind would want to wear this!" True story! <br> <br><span style="color:#330099;"><strong>What I offer: </strong></span></span></p>
<ul> <li><span style="color:#330099;"><strong><span class="font_large">I have easily accessible tools that I teach individuals and groups on how to readily access, even under the most strenuous negotiationing circumstances, information that will bring everybody back to the place of communicating. </span></strong></span></li> <li>
<span style="color:#330099;"><strong><span class="font_large">I have a several workshops I offer on communication, including the following: </span></strong></span> <ul> <li><span style="color:#330099;"><strong><em><span class="font_large">The Efficiency of Being Understood and Understanding </span></em></strong></span></li> <li><span style="color:#330099;"><strong><em><span class="font_large">Direct Communication: The Key to Unlock Your Prosperity </span></em></strong></span></li> </ul> </li> <li><span style="color:#330099;"><strong><span class="font_large">I have extensive experience working in the corporate world with both groups and individuals. </span></strong></span></li>
</ul>
<p><span class="font_large">In my opinion, communication is the most important skill to have in our lives. If we can't make ourselves and our ideas known and understood by others then one would have to ask questioningly in the absence of this understanding, to what degree do we actually exist? Because everything that comes to us in life that we will need to live our lives, we will need to ask for in the form of an understandable communication that will allow us to receive, to give, to survive, and to thrive. So, a simple way to look at this is<em> Communication Is Actually Life. </em><br> <br>Enjoy, Joseph <br> <br><span style="color:#330099;"><strong>Website:</strong> </span><strong> <a contents="www.motivationalmentor.com&nbsp;" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://motivationalmentor.com" target="_blank">www.motivationalmentor.com </a></strong> <br><span style="color:#330099;"><strong>Phone:</strong></span> <strong> 907/562-7353 </strong><br><strong><span style="color:#330099;">Email:</span></strong> <a contents="joseph@motivationalmentor.com" data-link-label="" data-link-type="email" href="mailto:joseph@motivationalmentor.com" target="_blank"><strong>joseph@motivationalmentor.com</strong> </a></span></p>Joseph Feusi Mentoringtag:motivationalmentor.com,2005:Post/46175472017-03-05T14:17:15-08:002022-05-16T10:01:13-07:00Dreams and Family History<p><span class="font_large"><span style="color:null;"><strong><span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 0, 153);">By Joseph Feusi</span> </strong></span></span><strong><span style="color:#330099;"><span class="font_xl"><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/242727/583db8472bd57113459671f399cd62a4551f4b55/medium/img-5182.jpg?1488752472" class="size_m justify_left border_none" alt="" /></span></span></strong></p>
<p><span class="font_large"><span style="color:#330099;"><strong>In this blog I’d like to talk about family history as it relates to the fulfillment of your dreams.</strong></span> Whenever I talk to mentoring clients I try to have them give me an inventory of the history of their family in regards to specific things that their family has accomplished. Whatever previous generations have accomplished in their lives becomes an option for future generations to do the same. So it seems pretty straightforward that you take an inventory of your family history and find out that there are things that you would like to do that have been done before. An example would be, let’s say that you want to learn how to sail a sailboat and that no one in the immediate generation before you has been remotely interested in sailing a sailboat. Upon discovering that several generations back someone in your family sailed, this now becomes a probability for you, and in some way it makes the fulfillment of becoming a sailor and sailing a sailboat easier. One of your ancestors has broken the mold for you. So it’s straightforward. <br> <br><span style="color:#330099;"><strong>But sometimes history is not straightforward, and this is where we get into the strange place where we have to start doing investigations into what our dreams are and what our family has done in the past.</strong></span>This can get incredibly complicated. Let’s use the same metaphor, that you want to sail and that you want to go out and buy a sailboat, and for some reason you have a very, very difficult time doing this. The first place I would have you look is at the history of your family, and there’s an exceptionally high probability that you are going to come back and tell me that absolutely nobody in previous generations was interested in sailing. So at that point we would just decide, well, you are the first person in your family to want to become a sailor. But this is where the not-so-straightforward comes in, because at that point I may push a client to really do a serious investigation to make sure that sailing in one form or another was not a fact or a dream for the family . . . <br> <br>Here’s why: Let’s say that one of your great-grandparents was an exceptionally good sailor and one of your grandparents wanted to take up sailing but for some reason, your great-grandfather was unsupportive of his child’s dreams of sailing. Then this becomes problematic because if your grandfather was not allowed to sail when he wanted to, he now suffers a loss that is carried forward in conjunction with the talent that is carried forward, and that both of these are now in conflict. Because your great-grandfather sailed, that is an option for you to sail as well; but because your grandfather was forbidden from sailing, <span style="color:#330099;"><strong>you are now in an inherited double-bind: having a dream and not believing you can accomplish it.</strong></span> <br> <br>Or, your desire to sail is so powerful that it may not be conscious. What happens is that you have been trained by the family by a handed-down familial unrequited loss to not even be allowed to discuss, to harbor, or to even be conscious of the dream of sailing. So then what happens in this metaphor of sailing is your desire to sail becomes an unconscious one that haunts you. Here’s an example: you are taking lunch in an aquatic park and a sailing boat sails by you and you find yourself feeling very melancholy, uncomfortable, or scared as you view the sailboat. In another instance, let’s say that you are sitting there with a friend and they point out the sailboat and you can’t even see it because you have been trained to protect your family from their loss. So then you have a session with me and discuss your seemingly irrational upset in the aquatic park, not even knowing why you’re spending session time on this. I ask you if you have ever thought or felt that you would like to sail a sailboat and you suddenly have a big reaction—anger, grief, frustration. <span style="color:#330099;"><strong>We now know that we are on the track of an unrequited, unconscious expression of self, and maybe even destiny. </strong></span>So, given the reaction, the first thing that I would ask is why do you think your reaction is so big to something that has been absent in your life? The answer I usually get at first is, “I don’t know.” This leads me to conclude that we may be dealing with an unfilled family legacy. <br> <br>So two things happen at this point: First, I send you out to go take sailing lessons and see if that’s something that you are interested in doing. Secondly, we do a more sophisticated research of your family history to find out if maybe there is a family block in place. Once it becomes evident that there is, and you become aware of it, it is then removed. If there is a lot of grief and anger associated with this, then we might consider sending you to see a psychotherapist to process the grief and anger, while simultaneously I work with you to put into practice getting you onboard the sailboat, and sailing off into the sunset. <br> <br><span style="color:#330099;"><strong>In closing, this is what I’d like the reader to come away with—that knowing about both versions of family history is very important—the one that is known to the family, and the one that is not.</strong></span> The one that is not known can be the one that has the most powerful effect on you because it can cause you to miss the fulfillment of your dreams, dreams that you, yourself, are not totally aware of. To quote Leonard Cohen, “He talks his dreams to sleep.” <br> <br><span style="color:#330099;"><strong>How you go about discovering your family dreams</strong></span> is to ask every family member about other family members, because if there is an unrequited issue floating around in your family, more than likely whichever family member you talk to directly will not be able to speak about their own dreams, but you often get the unrequited dreams of the others. Example: Aunt Elsie tells you about how her sister, your Aunt Eileen used to dance in a Broadway show, but that she had to quit to start a family—or that the family got started before she quit! Interestingly, from your perspective, this has never been discussed at family gatherings. In our sailing example, there could be some tragedy associated with great-grandpa sailing—his best friend drowned at a regatta—and this is why sailing is not supported in the family. <br> <br>In my mentoring practice I have helped numerous clients fulfill dreams that were nagging at them in their daily lives and sometimes woke them up at night, and that they themselves could not identify at the time. <br> <br><span style="color:#330099;"><strong>What dreams are keeping you awake at night?</strong></span></span></p>Joseph Feusi Mentoring